I’ve spent a lot of time blogging about life with a toddler. It’s time to start talking about life with a baby too. What better place to start than postpartum. Both postpartum experiences have brought unique challenges and struggles, as well as blessings and lessons.
When I was pregnant with Simeon, I was so scared of the postpartum period. I had learned so much about pregnancy and childbirth but had no idea what to expect after he was actually here. I knew I wanted to breastfeed but could tell you nothing about it. And of course, I had never done the mom thing before – I’d just figure it all out with my natural mom instincts. Or at least that’s what I was led to believe.
During my pregnancy with Magdalene, I felt a different kind of fear surrounding the postpartum period. This time I knew. I knew what was about to happen to my body. I knew the challenges of early breastfeeding. I knew the sleepless nights, the fussy baby, the what seemed like an endless number of trips to the doctor. How would we manage it all with two in the middle of the busiest season of life we’ve ever experienced? Yes, fearful – maybe even anxious – is a good way to describe what I was feeling.
Postpartum #1: Learning the Mom Thing
After a very hard, very unexpected birth experience (maybe I’ll share birth stories another time – they’re my favorite!!), what little I thought I knew about postpartum seemed suddenly upended. My baby was here!! And he was beautiful and perfect and I was filled with a love for him like I had never known before.
But they said the “golden hour” would be magic. My baby would know what to do, he’d immediately try to latch, and we would get off to the most beautiful start. That’s not what happened though. We worked through our first, forced latch. And then we worked through it again, and again, and again over the next few days. In the first few days postpartum, I experienced soreness, shakes, engorgement, latch issues, and so much more. I don’t think anyone could’ve prepared me for what the immediate postpartum was like.
Over the next few months, I learned what it was like to feed a baby almost every hour all through the day, to wake up multiple times at night to nurse, to try to comfort a fussy baby when I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, and to take care of a sick baby. I know this is all par for the course, but it’s also overwhelming and hard. Newborn life is hard. It took several months to finally feel like we were coming out of the newborn fog.
I also learned what a joy it is to be a mama. All of the “firsts” took my breath away. The first smile, the first laugh, the first time he could grab a toy or rollover. The way I could love this tiny, little person was indescribable. From the very beginning, I considered it the greatest gift to be able to love, nurture, and care for this sweet baby.
Postpartum #2: Light from Darkness, Beauty from Ashes
As Magdalene’s due date grew nearer, I often thought back on the early postpartum days with Simeon. I remembered how hard it was, and I tried to mentally prepare myself to do it again. I didn’t know how I could do it again, especially if early postpartum was going to be as hard as the first time. I longed for my precious baby to be in my arms, but I also feared what newborn life was going to be like this time.
My pregnancy experience was so different this time around too. This was pregnancy after loss, and it was terrifying. But almost a year to the day after we lost our second baby, the Lord gifted us with the birth of our third. Shiloh, our precious little one who is safe with our Lord, can never be replaced. We think of and long for her often. But our precious Magdalene is a beautiful gift, and it is a great joy to be her mama. Light from darkness.
And postpartum looked nothing like the first time around. Breastfeeding clicked, sleep came a little easier, and she was (and is) the happiest baby.
The struggles of this postpartum period haven’t come in the form of a newborn fog. Instead, I’ve had to work through what birthing two babies does to a woman’s body. I didn’t “bounce back” as easily this time – in fact, I still don’t feel like I have completely. My body took it harder, the baby weight didn’t just disappear, and I feel the effects every day of birthing two whole humans. I now know what it is to give of my body and to watch it change and grow to do so. Beauty from Ashes.
The Lord Sustains and Provides
Light from darkness.
Beauty from ashes.
A worn-out mama gets out of bed again to nurse her restless baby. The Lord sustains.
A mama gives of her own body to nurture her child day in and day out. The Lord provides.
A mama looks at herself in the mirror and sees what looks like a different person, a new body. The Lord sustains.
A mama plays with her toddler while her newborn naps. The Lord provides.
It echoes time and time again throughout the postpartum period. Light from darkness. Beauty from ashes. The Lord sustains. The Lord provides.
To be a mama is to image God. To lay down our life for another – for our tiny humans – is to image God. And as our bodies change, feel weak, and grow tired, God gives us what we need for each moment.
Postpartum mama, I see you. I know what you are walking through, and I’m walking right there with you. The Lord will sustain you, and the Lord will provide for you.
May we be mamas who lay our lives down time and time again for our children so that they may know the One who made the ultimate sacrifice for them. May we be mamas who trust the Lord to sustain and provide for the next moment. Like a mother, He nurtures and cares for His own.