Screen time. I was hesitant to even write about this topic for a couple reasons. One, I don’t always stick to my own screentime boundaries, both for myself and my children. Two, everyone has an opinion on this topic. You’ll find moms on either side and moms in the middle. Somewhere along the way, you’ll probably also find some mom shamers or your own mom guilt.
So before I begin, I will preface with these few things. I am not an expert on this topic, and I do not handle this perfectly. I am in a learning process when it comes to setting screen time boundaries. There is no set way to set these boundaries either. Your family must make your own decisions and follow your own convictions.
In this post, I will not share our family’s exact screen time boundaries, especially regarding our children. This post is not prescriptive because I do not have it all right, and I am constantly reevaluating. This is intended to provoke thoughtful consideration of our habits and how they form us. Our decisions surrounding screen time do affect our children’s, and our own, formation.
A Family Affair
As parents, we should not only seek to monitor our children’s screen time. It should be a family affair. Oftentimes, we are more addicted to and dependent on our screens than our children are. I have been very convicted lately that before I ask my children to follow certain rules with screens, I should be following them myself.
Now I know my children are only 2 years old and 3 months old. There are not many decisions they can make about screen time. But if I choose to limit their screen time during the day, then my phone should be put up as well. If I want to be a present mom who enjoys her children, I need to address my own screen addiction.
I realized that I was putting more on my kids than I was asking of myself, so in the last week and a half, I have started to put screen time boundaries into place. I use an app that makes it very difficult to access my social media accounts, shopping apps, or anything else I might be tempted to scroll on. I keep my apps blocked during Simeon’s waking hours and for the first couple of hours after the kids go to bed. This gives me the ability to be present with my kids and then attend to our home in the evenings. It has been difficult – when I get overwhelmed, I often find myself reaching for my phone. But this is now happening less and less, and I have enjoyed being intentional with my time with my kids!
An Issue of Formation
The things we consume form us. The question becomes, is what I’m consuming forming me well? Are the things I’m allowing my children to consume forming them well?
I get to choose each and every day whether I will be formed into the mom I want to be, and the mom I am commanded to be. If I choose to scroll instead of play with my children, instruct my children, or read to my children, I am choosing to be formed into a distracted mom.
I get to choose each and every day whether I will take an active part in my kids’ formation and instruction. If I choose to put them in front of a screen so that I can have a break, I am giving the screen the active role in my kids’ formation.
Those are hard things to hear – I’m convicted as I write them. What I don’t want you to hear me say is that social media is all bad, TV shows are all bad, and we should never use them. That is not true, and there are responsible ways of using them. But there are often many times when we let the screens control us instead of us controlling them. There are many times we consume more social media than Scripture in a day, and it forms us. And there are many times our kids consume more screen time than instruction in the ways of the Lord, and it forms them.
Some Questions to Ask
I want to leave you with some questions we can use to thoughtfully build our screen time habits. It is an issue that matters, and we should think deeply about it.
- How are my own screen time habits forming me? Do I need to change anything regarding my own screen time habits?
- Why do I use screen time for my children? Is it to benefit myself or is it purposeful? Does my answer lead to anything I should change?
- What media are my children consuming? How is it forming them? How does it affect their character and behavior? How does it teach them to treat those around them?
- In what ways can technology be used for good in our home? Do we want to set specific times that screens will and will not be used?
- What can I do with my children that’s not screen time? Can I read a book, take them on a walk, get in the floor and play, or sing a song with them? Can I bring them along and involve them in the work of the home that has to get done?
Hopefully, these questions will lead you to thoughtful contemplation on your family’s screen time habits. May we be mamas who enjoy our children more and our screens less, and may we be mamas who prioritize and protect the formation of our children’s hearts.