Sunday was one of those days of parenting. You know the ones I’m talking about – the days with one too many toddler meltdowns, a fight to get out the door, an unusually fussy baby, and a grocery store trip that’s way more difficult than it should be. Pair that with a few potty training accidents, and you’ve got a recipe for a very grumpy household (mom and dad included).
When these days happen, my natural response is to want to throw in the towel. I might turn to screen time to get a break or run to buy a coffee that’s not in the budget. Maybe I’ll go straight to bed and neglect resetting my home, leaving us with a bad start for the next day. Sometimes I’ll scroll on my phone, trying to block out everything going on for just a moment.
My response on these hard days matters – it matters to my kids, it matters to my husband, and it matters to God.
So what’s a worn-out mama to do?
Our Response Matters
As Simeon has gotten older, he has begun to pick up on my emotions really well. He notices when I’m angry, excited, or sad, even when it’s not directed toward him. Simeon is a kind and sympathetic kid. When he notices Mama is upset, he always runs to give me a hug and check on me.
Just last week, I went to order king cakes from our favorite bakery only to find out that they were completely sold out. We look forward to ordering two (or three, or four…) every year, and I was truly distraught over our lack of king cakes. My NOLA friends will understand. It really is that big a deal.
My reaction was apparently a little bigger than I intended because Simeon immediately looked at me with big, concerned eyes and called out “Mama” with his sweet, little voice. He ran to me and gave me a hug. He knew Mama was upset, and it affected him deeply at that moment.
It got me thinking about how, as a Mama, I set the emotional tone of our household. My responses matter, and how I respond affects my children. They are constantly learning from me and gauging their own emotions from mine. How am I teaching them to respond when things don’t go their way?
“Train Up a Child”
The Proverbs instruct us to “Train up a child in the way he should go…” (Prov. 22:6 ESV). I think often about the ways I can train my children in the way they should go. I’ve mostly thought about it from a perspective of direct teaching in the books we read, the Scripture we recite, and the songs we sing. I’m beginning to realize that this training happens as they watch me as well.
My children learn as they watch my responses. It trains them on how they should respond.
My children learn as they watch me nurture and care for them. It trains them to nurture and care for others.
They learn as they watch me choose whether or not I will take care of or neglect our home. It trains them to do the same.
My children learn through the things I say. They will repeat them – the language is training them.
The children’s song says, “O be careful, little eyes, what you see. … O be careful, little ears, what you hear. … O be careful, little mouths, what you say.” What are my children seeing in my actions, hearing in my words, and learning to speak from me? Will they learn from me to nurture and care? Will they learn to speak words of life and forgiveness?
Our Response On Hard Days
On Sunday, I didn’t respond well. My words were not always kind, my hands not always caring, and my attitude was not always positive and hopeful. I gave into screen time and rushed to bedtime and wished for time to myself. By the end of the day, what I really wished was that I had been a better model for my children and enjoyed them more during that day.
Days like Sunday are days that give us an opportunity to lean into our disciplines. I can choose to read my Bible when it’s chaotic and hard. I can choose to pray before I respond. I can choose to read my children stories instead of putting them in front of a screen. I can choose to take care of my home, even after a long day. These are hard choices during a hard day, but they are the choices I want to teach my children to make. Therefore, I must lean in and make them myself.
Before I went to bed Sunday, I prayed as I typed, “God, help me to choose the hard choice, for in doing so I am made more like You. Help me to choose the hard choice, for in doing so my children learn and are trained in righteousness. Forgive me for my unkind words, my uncaring hands, and my poor attitude. Lead me to respond well tomorrow. Amen.”